The Unspoken

The Flower Shop lady came in the front door with her grandson and a large vase of flowers.  She told me they were for me.  I'm sure I covered my heart with my right hand.  I know I winced.  "They're gonna make me cry, aren't they?"  She nodded in agreement.  We were both right.

The card read "You are often in our thoughts and prayers.  We just wanted to honor your son this week".  Love....  It's so nice to feel loved.

It was a tough week with the light at the end of the tunnel illuminating the metal chairs carefully set for celebration. 

The plan was in place.  Mrs. Wilkins told me "you gotta have a plan".

Each graduate held a string full of hope, love and sadness.  The remembrance represented with a color he loved.  As if coming full circle with their loss, they looked towards the mass of balloons as they were quickly airborne.  Their unspoken thoughts, still unspoken.

The words-formed in the cleft of my soul.  Unable to form at the tip of my tongue.  Those words stuck in my throat and faded like a sunset over Big Meadows.  What I wanted to say, unspoken.

What I felt was:

My son should have been on this stage tonight. 

He should have received awards that showed his talent, his love for learning. 

His grin should have beamed and made this momma's heart swell.

Sawyer should have been there.

And this is what I wanted to say:

The same God Sawyer loved and worshipped is the same God who has gotten me through each and every day since our loss. 

 

If you knew my son, you aren't likely to forget him.  Sawyer's ability to light up a room with just a smile will be missed forever. 

 

I thank the Lord that I have hope.  Hope for eternity and a knowing that our family will be together again in Heaven.

 

But instead, I decided that all my words were better left unspoken.  Or better yet, spoken by a tall, handsome man.  Tanner.  He was the man.  And yes, he covered the family through his well spoken way of representing.  Proud.  This momma's heart swelled.  Same emotion I thought I missed.