Thankfulness

It's the kind of feeling that comes from the depths of your being.  The feeling that His strength is the scaffolding that keeps you from all collapse.  It's knowing that true Thanksgiving only comes from Him and when you utter your Thankfulness to Jesus in broken prayers, you know they are heard.  There's always memories.  There's always the knowledge that the journey is not over.  The Thanksgiving that future isn't just a word.

 

Yesterday was a day unlike most.  Most days I do not take off for an adventure of my own.  Most days I would have one or two as co-pilots.  But not yesterday.  Solo flight.  Over the years there were a few days like that but the need for my own time became less and less.  

 

There are many places in the "State of Jefferson" and Southern Oregon that hold memories of short travels with my "fine figure of a man" and/or the boys we raised. 

 

Oil change.  Just these two words brought a smile to the face of my youngest.  He knew that with an oil change came a free car wash and the chance to vacuum and clean the interior.  I don't have the slightest idea why Sawyer and I loved to go to a "city" car wash but we did and the memories are forever etched in my heart.

 

Two years ago today, my Facebook entry was:

 

"Sawyer and I just completed two pumpkin pies,

two sour cream lemon pies and a pumpkin cake. "

 

I remember that day so well. 

We had such fun. 

His brothers made comments like "save us some" and "jealous". 

 

There's such a thankfulness in my heart that even with tragedy, my love for cooking is still with me.  Maybe it is a way of soothing my soul and living within the memories so lovingly built.  Maybe it is an effort to make things seem "normal".

 

Last night I made cinnamon rolls for a milestone birthday of a friend of a friend.  The same sweet recipe with the same yummy results as made for my family for so many years.  Thanksgiving for the desire to bless others.   

 

As I anticipate the arrival of boy #1 and daughter-in-law, busy hands fill the soul in readiness to soak in the family I so cherish.  Of course Boy #2 is sorely missed this holiday season as he spends Thanksgiving with a family he has never met but so graciously opened their home to one of America's finest.   

 

There are moments when it seems as though nothing has changed but yet drastic change is felt within every fiber of my body.   The empty spot within my heart, when I think about sitting down to Thanksgiving Dinner with the family who so cherish Sawyer and what he meant in their lives, warms at the mere remembrance of his smile and twinkle.

 

One thing I know for sure, he knew that his parents were thankful for their family.  He certainly got that right.  We miss you!