Exhale

 

Celebrating a birthday for two weeks is a lot of fun.  This year was a big one for me and my family made every effort to make it special.  Tanner and Michelle came down the weekend before and we celebrated to the fullest.  They showered me with love and affection, with my favorite dessert but mostly their presence.  My "fine figure of a man" made another one of my favorite desserts for the day of my big day and my friend made the frosting for this decadent treat.  My Arizona boy sent flowers with a card that didn't say "wish I was with you on this day" but I know that's what it meant.  The visits, calls, texts and facebook messages were amazing and my co-workers gave me a card with some very nice things said, cheesecake and flowers.  Two teachers from the high school prompted a group of DHS students in a round of "Happy Birthday" with a clap and a twist.  By the end of the week I was pretty tired but I knew I had a quick trip to the Napa Valley for a celebratory wine tasting to toast a new half a century.  The weekend was flanked by sisters (hubby and brother-in-law ((thanks for putting up with us)) and done in Rutherford Grill style.  My darlin' sweetie even made sure I had a new top to wear.  We stomped grapes, left our footprint to signify absolutely nothing but fun.  Toasted the years gone by, memories, the future, hopes and dreams.  We spoke of our lives in Christ and in a moment of prayer, prayed for the wisdom that comes only from Him.

 

 

In 1963, October 17th, my mom was 27 and dad was 30 when I was born into this world.  Pretty sure I was welcomed home with open arms from my four older sisters.  Pretty sure that I was a lucky little girl to be so loved by this wonderful family.  Exhale.  This is all part of the exhale I am experiencing today from the whirlwind of emotions of a birthday that was so outwardly wonderful but contains the need for an exhale when I think of the wonderfulness that is missing. 

Pretty sure that my life experiences leave no hollowness to my years of life and experience.  They seem full, they seem real, they seem to be bigger than I can even absorb.  The hollowness I feel is far within and can only be reached when my deepest feelings gurgle to the surface.  Faith.  That's where faith like a mustard seed comes in.  Hope.  Hope for eternity.

Tomorrow night my mom wants to cook me a birthday dinner.  To celebrate with the first people here on this earth who held me, coo'd over me and loved me.  What could be better.  As the month of me comes to a close, I'll take another long, deep exhale to clear this event from my "another celebration" time line without my boy.  But as everything so far, I know it'll be okay.