The Deep

 

It was on my desk when I returned from an unexpected day off.  The rose, such a beautiful yellow.  Made me think of my mom because yellow roses are her favorite.  Made me think of my daughter-in-law because I wished I could send her a truck load of yellow goodness.  A yellow so bright ~ no lights needed, radiating from the inside out.

My friend.  We were talking.  Her burden was heavy, hard to tote around.  Peace.  The lack of peace was perturbing.  Something just didn't feel right.

 

So, where does lack of peace come from?  As I posed the question, I thought of my own journey.  So we decided that peace comes from the Lord and lack of peace does not. 

 

Exploring further....we agreed that you don't have to like everything to maintain peace.  The key is to trust.  Trust God when circumstances are contrary to your own heart.  A trust that surpasses all understanding.  A trust that gives peace when peace seems impossible. 

 

Maybe we redefined peace.

Redefined what we felt.

Through the ability to share.

 

The girl.  She wanted to say hi. She mostly looked sad but her smile oh so sweet.  A lot on her mind that she is told to rest.  I love those conversations that are quiet and peaceful.  Full of knowing.  Eyes questioning.  Questioning how a day is navigated.

A knowing that the missing of a friend is deep.

 

 

Do you Remember When.....

As I feel the chill of the Monday morning air, I fight the urge to start a warming fire.  The cottage is 65 degrees.  My brain tells me a spark, followed by warmth, is unnecessary I'm pretty sure my heart is looking for something to fill the empty space.  The space that housed tall bodies and silky long hair as recent as yesterday. 

It was a Easter Vacation filled with so much giving, taking and being.  With giving hands and feet my "fine figure of a man" and I volunteered at a ranch just a short distance from Bend.  For four days we "showed up".  There's no denying that this place plays a part of our healing through a long journey that seems to have no end.  The giving of our time when we scooped horse poop for hours and helped in gardens with the spring cleaning and summer preparation, was a time of reflection, stillness and fellowship.  Overlooking the "Sisters", in full view of the Cascades, the air, crisp with a full time breeze, seems central to our hearts.  The chatter of the new group of kids coming up the driveway in all their excitement was greeted with smiles from these volunteers.  Such peacefulness amongst the busyness of the day.

The time spent in Bend was two fold.  Spending time with Tanner and Michelle was delightful, fun and comforting -- as always.  Their hospitality comes from within and is genuinely given.  Always amazing to be embraced within our family walls and loved without borders. 

As quickly as the week began, the weekend was upon us.  Back to "the valley" for more family time.  We scooted into town just a mere 45 minutes before our Arizona boy and Rachel, the beautiful gal he brought for introducing.  He had plans to introduce her to the valley he calls home.  The valley, in all it's mountainous glory.  The valley, and all the people who mean so much to him.

Let the fun begin.

Tanner and Michelle left work early so they could begin the weekend in the light of day.  We all met at the Etna Brewery for a dinner out in the cool April air of our home town.  There's many folk to visit when eating at a local restaurant.  "How's your folks?" or "Whatcha been up to?" can be heard often in an effort to "catch up". 

It was a weekend of many suitcases, air mattresses and wall to wall family.  Even the large family next door wondered how we all fit here at Camp One Bathroom.  A bit crowded?  Probably.  Did anyone seem to mind?  Didn't seem like it.  Will we ever do it again?  I guess time will tell.

The Easter Egg hunt at Sawyer's Place was named "2nd Annual".  The day ~ perfect with just a hint of coolness in the partly cloudy sunshiny day. 

We took family pictures where familyness had been before.  Different this time with a hint of grown.  Grown by sheer possibility.    Grown through laughter and sadness, trials and abundance.  Grown because it is just supposed to happen that way.

The family makeup is changing.  We miss but we like.  We like because of the joy family brings.

 

 

 

Easter Sunday.  Just those two words bring images to mind.  Images of bright sunrises, dewy grounds, chocolate bunnies, sour gummy worms and the Hope that comes with His resurrection.  As all these images dovetail into our day, we change course and headed due North.  North to take Trevor and Rachel to the airport and bid sweet adu to our Bend couple.  But before we all part ways, we share a Easter meal.  Yep.  Pizza.  Just another memory to add to our "do you remember when" list. 

Thanks for the visit kids~  We love you more than ever!

Such a Process

The text read "you haven't blogged in a while".  Thoughtfully I looked at the message.  Knowing the insight.  The journey has been long.  Not always pretty.  Knowing, so well.

The morning after, she was there.  Throughout the week.  There.  She made sure the baton was passed before going home to get her family.  The pain she felt was unmeasurable.  The strength she drew from could only have been from our Maker.  Our God.  Our one true God. 

I would go into the kitchen, where she held her post, and fuss about.  Saying there was too much food and I would wonder who I could give it to.  We can't possibly eat this much food, I'd say.  So gracious.  She just let me fuss.  Then she'd feed the multitudes.  The people who needed us.  Who needed the warmth and strength from this house, from the only one who could give it.  God was found during this week long process.  He was present.

Her second text said "you process so much when you blog".  The quiet.  The unsaid much more alarming than many words.  I shook my head, just like there was someone in the room, listening.  Just like a knowing was present.  I know.  I actually thought "I know".  With chin to my chest I said a prayer that was understood by the only one who matters.  The healing that comes from writing and expressing must be done continuously.  Must continue. 

The last month has been busy.  Filled with many new memories.  Many events that now make up the past.  They are as follows:

Easter vacation.  It was always a fun vacation.  There were always a variety of plans.  Every year seemed a little different but there were always commonalities.  Trips to the coast were frequent.  Yard work came around every so often.  Baseball dominated a time or two.  We even got stuck in Hawaii once.  No matter the year or the event during this break from school and work, we were most always together.  The memories will always be cherished and never forgotten.

This week my "fine figure of a man" and I loaded up and headed for Bend, Oregon.  Our trip, two fold.  One we get to stay and spend time with our oldest and his terrific wife.  We can't forget to mention Reuger, the little pooch who gets so excited to see "Grandma and Grandpa".  So off we ventured to spend a few days within the snow capped Cascade Mountain range.  The views from this destination spot are pretty much unsurpassed by none.

There was a feeling of purpose.  Of having a purpose this year.  So we made plans to bless with working hands and feet.  The recipient...Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch.  This place, built upon a cinder pit, holds special meaning.  Within those reasons and probably the most powerful.  God has blessed us with friendships from mere ashes.  Ashes that will some day be a rose garden of long stemmed yellow goodness.  Ashes that will some day make sense.   That will some day make us leap for joy and once again validate that hope is in the Beholder. 

Today as we did volunteer work at the Ranch, the wind blew.  A day of volunteering is a satisfying feeling and  makes me think when my boy spent two weeks volunteering, helping others.  The camp, paid for through his own labor, was what he wanted to do that summer.  Returning home with a renewed sense of love for Jesus Christ and a zest for the future there was clarity.

Working hands, humble heart.  God loves them all!

 

 

The idea.  Born from the need to smell the high mountain air, to get a much needed stretch of the legs and enjoy friends on a Saturday evening.  They had a busy Saturday with life celebrations in two different ways.  One a memorial service and one a 70th wedding anniversary party.  Both lives, equally acknowledged.  Both families blessed.

Bill and Suzie showed up about 5 pm.  My "fine figure of a man" and I, groggy from our naps but eager for an adventure.  We left our cottage behind as we took Quartz Valley Road to Scott River Road to a favorite spot.  The truck was equipped with dinner and dogs.  A fine combination. 

As we neared our destination, it was evident that snow was in the air.  The chilly temperature and white flakes mocked our Aprilness.  It felt more like a January day for sure.  Undeterred, we took out on the BCT with Suzie in the lead.  She was ready for a good look of mountain views and rugged terrain.  We went as far as the visible trail could take us.  The mountainside did not disappoint these eager trail walkers.  The deepness of the colors, accented with the whispiness of the recently fallen snow was a treat for all.

 

 

Back at the pickup we headed off the hill with supper intentions.  BBQ'd chicken and potato salad.  The first picnic of the season.  The fire we gathered for was warm as we huddled and ate.

 

So, if I "blog" and it remains unpublished, is it still processing?

Florence and Her Plan

There are times when  my thoughts get ahead of me.  Ahead of the chronological order of my life.  Today, this was so. 

 

I look up from my desk to see an adorable white haired lady with a small green vase.  Within the borders, a perfectly proportioned cluster of flowers.  She checked the first room to the left.  "Florence" I called to her.  Seeing me, she smiled. 

It was a day of blessing others.  A week of remembering and preparing for a day never forgotten.  It had been 24 years since she lost her baby girl.  A bicycle accident that never should have happened.  Claiming the life of her child. 

"You have to have a plan" was her advice.  When these days come around, a plan you must have.  She gives.  Her giving comes deep from within.  Deepness that never goes away.  Never fades.

With long hugs and warm smiles we talk of the journey that never ends.  The events that define the journey and love we hold, forever.  As Mother's Day weekend approaches, Florence remembers the good times and a love that never ends.  Her advice is seasoned, a knowing, and her smile infectious.

Later that day I thought about the statement "you have to have a plan" and realized that each day is the time for a plan.  A plan to lean on the strongest part of my life.  A plan to curl at the foot of my Savior.  A plan to choose life.

Thank you Florence.  God bless you~