Pick Your Memory

There's no finer summer day than one you spend with loved ones.  Tanner, Michelle, my "fine figure of a man" and I went "down river" today.  Down river to share a special summertime memory with one of our most favorite gals.  Picking Blackberries.  It is an epic event to be shared, often.  We turned left to go toward "Horse Creek", the viewing of bushes and the searching of the blackest, sweetest berries ever.  I heard a seatbelt disengage.  What followed was very funny.  Michelle said "you are not getting a head start on me" as she unclicked her own seatbelt.  The competition for the winner of the quickest filled bucket began.

As buckets filled and sweat rolled and dripped, the partial family of four began to settle in and just enjoy the day.  We searched, picked, filled and joined together to have a successful berry picking day.  The stories, memories, visiting and plans for the berries were all surrounding. 

Someone said "I've reached my limit".  Made me think of the limits we have imposed upon us.  A limit of fish in a lake is 10 while a limit of fish in a creek is 5.  A person limits out during hunting with two (if he has enough tags) and a wood cutting permit limits how many cord you can cut.  Limits.  We all thought we had reached our limit at some point today.  But we hadn't filled all our buckets and containers we had brought.  So, even though we felt our limit had been reached, there really wasn't a limit and we picked on, in unison to work together to fill all our buckets.  Our vessels.  Filling.  Satisfied.

We returned home with the windows down and the air conditioning blaring.  We didn't want to miss any part of this amazing summer day even with the 97 degree heat on the river road. Those few hours of picking goodness wore us out.  Today blackberry pies; tomorrow, blackberry jam. 

Set for Flight

It was a damp, cool, August morning.  Much like the past week.  The difference?  A feel, a smell, a heaviness.  Actually, maybe it has been there for a while.  Maybe most of August.  Today on this summer day that is loosing it's light and nightly warmth, was the first day of school.  The first day of a senior year that never was and never will be.  Another good bye without a hello.  Unheld. 
 

I call these pictures His Senior Year, First Day of School.  An album complete.

 

If you look closely at the second picture, you will see a crescent moon.  Reminds me of the poem I used to say to my boys.  "I see the moon and the moon sees me.  God bless the moon and God bless (Tanner, Trevor, Sawyer)"

The emotions preceding this day have been almost unnoticed.  Only noticed by the breather, the one holding the very breath of their soul.  The clouds on this morning were light and wispy.  Blue sky.  Perfect for flight.

He always wanted to be six.  There was never any other age he wanted to be.  When he reached six he never seemed to wish he was any other age.  So, in memory of the milestones he reached, his daddy and I flew six purple balloons to signify that we love him deeply and needed to let this first day of school go.  Let go to our Maker who holds us in the palm of His hand.

The balloons flew together for a long time.  All seeming to want to reach Heaven at the same time.  Guiding, comforting each other.  Not any sort of competition.  After a bit, they all became single file as if lining up for class.  Single file for mile after mile.  Until....the first balloon stepped aside and waited.  Waited for all the balloons to pass.  They all switched places, the first becoming last and the last becoming first.  At last glance, or crick of the neck, they were but specks.  Just a fading memory in my minds eye.

I miss my boy.  I miss the activities.  The future is so out of focus.  The range of emotions on a day like this are so deep and can well within so rapidly with an overtaking power.

I follow a blog of a lady in Canada.  Today's blog was titled "The Right Question to Ask on Your Hard Days....And the Answer".  It was about the hardships of life and how they can cause such weariness.  Courage.  The Courage of Christ.  The Courage to face another day and do what you can to make someone else's day better.

So I'll hold on to the wonderful family and friends I have been blessed with, the knowledge that Jesus loves me and gives me the courage to climb every mountain.  And I'll keep an eye on the class of 2014, acknowledging that they will always have a place in my heart.  Forever.
For I'm not ready to unhand these special friends.  <3

This blog dedicated to the boys in my life who posed for many "First Day of School" photos.

In Sickness and In Health

"I wanna be loved by you!  Nobody else but you.... ppooohhh ppooohhh poooopy doo."  This is the song my "fine figure of a man" sang to me today from across the room.  "Do you remember that song?"   I smiled.  Endearing....even if that wasn't what he was aiming for.  He hit the mark.  Made me smile, warmth.  A slight moment of sweet attention.  Captured.  Savored.  Heart strings.

 

Tomorrow my love and I celebrate 31 years of wedded bliss.  I say bliss.  Bliss is what I mean.  We married:

 

For better or for worse. 

Richer or poorer. 

In sickness and in health. 

As long as we both shall live.

 

The vows we took before God, family and friends have never been taken lightly.  We've had good days, and bad days.  There have been times when leanness overstretched our budget. and times we were able to travel to see our kids, the world and God's creation. There has been sickness, pregnancies, eye surgeries, stitches, bowls by the bed as well as many years of good health.  Currently we are both still living; although some days we are not sure that's what it's called. 

 

Days turned to weeks, weeks have melted into months and months form years with many memories.  We never knew how our journey would meander along.  There has been sunshine, rocks to scale, logs in the trail, tall, tall trees shading our way while creating blackness during the night, green grass, abundance of harvest, dry hillsides and refreshing rain.  All of these days have chiseled us to a mere shadow of who we will be in eternity.  Heaven awaits and waits.  We hope.  We know that our joy on this earth is not over.  We have much family and many friends to share memories  with before we "all fly away".  Our legacy as son and daughter, grandson and granddaughter, brother and sister, Grant and Lil, aunt and uncle,  and Mom and Dad will live throughout the generations. 

 

 



Today Before Tomorrow

Plant a garden and watch it grow......

These were the whisper of words I heard, calling, giving permission to. 

Fill your days with growth that reaches for the sky and calls to the stars.

Plant sprawling, ground infested plans that continue to move toward fresh air and summer warmth.

Plant smiles and miles of green and expect pickings too numerous to count.  When summer days wane, reach their limit, set out with your basket and harvest the ripeness of your laborings. 

Plant carefully, abundantly, water as much as the sun shines, harvest thoughtfully, give with love.

And another angel came out of the temple, crying out with a loud voice to Him who sat on the cloud, "Put in your sickle and reap, because the hour to reap has come, because the harvest of the earth is ripe."  Revelation 14:15

Happy Birthday to You~

Twenty-six years ago tonight I was VERY pregnant.  My little sister and I used to joke about being pregnant forever.  We used to say "when you are the ugliest you have ever been in your whole life....that's the day you'll have your baby."  Yep.  We knew the baby would come soon on this day 26 years ago.  I had been cleaning for the few days before.  The cleaning that really makes no sense.  The deep, on your hands and knees, cleaning that most people never even do.  Corners, under the cabinets, kitchen floor type stuff.

My "fine figure of a man" will tell you that I have only made Spanish rice once in our marriage.  You guessed it.  The night before we met our first born. 

The power went off at some point, early morning.  I was sitting down stairs in the dark.  Laboring.  Thinking that this couldn't possibly be the day I would have a baby I thought I would be pregnant forever with.  Hubby was upstairs, sleeping peacefully.  Not at all aware of the fact that life was about to change, drastically, forever.  I'm sure he must have sensed it somehow when he stretched his leg out to look for mine and became instantly aware that I was not in the bed.

We arrived at the hospital at 6 a.m. and Tanner Lewis Eastlick arrived at 7:25 a.m.  He was greeted by overly excited parents, grandparents, aunts and more family and friends than a little guy could ever need.  He was sweet, wonderful and grew quicker than you can even imagine.  He tripled his birth weight in six weeks.

 Papa used to say that Tanner "mastered the English language at the age of two".  He loved to be read to and would sit on grandma's lap for hours.

One time on a "daddy day", Grant and Grandad took Tanner hunting.  Tanner was tired and desired to go home.  He said "I want to go home" a couple of times.  When this didn't bring about the desired result, he said "I need to go home".  Grandad thought it so amazing that Tanner would know to change to "need" from "want".  Needless to say they went home.

Today, my son Tanner is a 6'4", special son, brother and friend, handsome, intelligent, fun, energetic and amazing.  He desires to be Christ like and has the most wonderful, beautiful wife of four years.  Really.  He was a delight to raise and a blast to hang out with.

So here's to 26 years of pure enjoyment the so many more years to come.  I thank the Lord every day for Tanner and his life here on earth.  I love you son!  Have a great birthday!  <3  Momma

Top Ten

Every day I ask God to help me be thankful and to see the blessings he gives me.  So here is a list of the top ten ways He made me smile this week (and it's only Tuesday):

#10.  Finding two pickings of green beans in the garden.
#9.    Making a custard, with my "fine figure of a man", and giving it to the neighbor family.  This was after buying eggs and milk from Hannah and Mercy.
#8.    Giving my mom half of my little custard cup.  She said she hasn't had custard in years.  Yep.  Tasted just like her grandma used to make.
#7.    My dad saying "have I told you lately that I love you?" in response to the Pastor's sermon that morning.
#6.    Finding the blender in the storage.  Pretty much was a "needle in a haystack" moment.
#5.    Watching a lady at church unwrap a baby gift.  Just pretty much her pregnant state made me smile.
#4.    Having students who were at our school last year approach my desk to say hello.
#3.    Knowing we will see our kids in September!
#2.    Flowers to fill a vase.

Drum roll, please....

And the #1 way He made me smile this week:

1.    A memory of Sawyer at the age of 3 or 4.  We had gone to Portland to visit my expecting sister.  It was her baby shower.  Uncle Dan had gotten a huge t.v. at an estate sale.  Sawyer was quite impressed.  He said "Wow!  Now that's a man's t.v."

No blessing is any greater than another when it comes from above, just makes me darn thankful~

My Three Sons

When I was a young girl, one of the popular TV shows was "My Three Sons".   Of course that was back in the day when TV was obtained through the use of an antenna.  When the picture became "snowy" someone would go outside to turn the antenna to the "just right" spot while the other person stood between the window and the TV to signal or holler at the person to let them know they should stop.  Stopping at the exact spot was always tricky.  Most generally, everyone became frustrated.  Although it seems crazy that an antenna could be better than what we have now, I'm thinking it is true.  TV these days is way too complicated. 

So here is a picture of My Three Sons. 

This is the last picture they took together. 

I will cherish it forever. 

While raising these fine boys, there were a few times (I'm sure this will shock you) when one felt they were less special than the other.  Really?  As parents, we would play the "but you have to realize that he is my favorite" card just to jokingly point out the ridiculousness of it.  Other times, when they were feeling blue, we would say "maybe you're not getting enough attention" and proceed to smother then with hugs and kisses until they started laughing or begged for mercy.

One time Tanner said about his younger brother.  "You know, the sandwich just isn't any good without the middle".  Don't remember the context but I know it was said purely from brotherly love.  Of course, we all know that a sandwich should have two ends for completeness.  So I guess we are left with an open faced sandwich.  But throw in a pickles (sweet of course....daughter(-in-law) and you once again are more complete than not.

So today I get home from work and there were flowers waiting for me.  I looked at my "fine figure of a man".  "You?"  "No."  Well.  Opening the envelope I could feel the emotions well up within me.  Who would send me these beautiful flowers?  People have been so amazingly kind these past months.  Made me think of all the people I wish I could send flowers to. 

Love Trevor, the card read.  AAAAHHHHH!!!  Loved.  Encircled in a mass of emotions.  Knowing that the miles and miles of distance between us just got shorter. 

Thanks Trevor....you the best. 

That is another saying we have.  "You the Best."   And the reply is always "You the best back". 

I love my kids.  Men.  Young men. And my young lady!

 You're the Best!

The Last Linger

The last lingering look.  The last smile.  The last touch. 

But we don't ever know. 
It isn't even entertained into our thinking. 
The last "I love you". 
The moment when time stands still in the recesses of your mind forever. 
The last linger.

Living life as it is meant to be. 

In God's word, in His Thorne Room, full of Hope and Grace. 

Thankfulness. 

There has to be thankfulness. 

Thankfulness that He covers a multitude of sin. 

Grace for our inability to know that our life is full of Hope...and staying there. 

Renewal. 

Each day. 

Thank you for this day Lord. 

Thank you for your love. 

Thank you for the many blessings you bestow upon me and my family every day just because we love You and You are good!

 

 

So we fill our lives with God's goodness.  God's love.  God's promises.  And thank Him that the last linger here on earth is not our eternal last.  The promise for an amazing place called Eternity.  Heaven.  Lord, bless  our family and friends.  To those who do not have a personal relationship with you, help them to hear you knocking on their heart's door. 

In your precious name Jesus. 

Amen.

 

 



Evergreen Days

Whew.  The week before our school opens is always a whirlwind.  There is always a paperwork explosion.  But I'm not complaining, at least I ate lunch today.  My boss?  I know he warmed it up but last I knew it was still sitting on the counter under a fly retardant towel.

I'm still trying to figure out why I thought it necessary to stick a dental appointment in the middle of my week.  I went flying out of work with just a few minutes to spare to make it to my 3:20 appointment.  A crown.  Not my favorite.  I'm actually a pro at crowns.  I should be, this totals 8 with one replacement.

From my chart, we figured I started going to Dr. Willis in 1987.  Dr. Willis said "yep, that was back when I had color in my hair" and I replied, "yep, that was back when I didn't have this color in mine."  We chuckled at the reality of our agedness.   I've only gone to two dentists in my life and Dr. Willis was certainly the better!    Of course, being a man and all he can be on a big of a quest at times.  This was evidenced when he decided that we would cut down on the time I would have to spend in the dental office and he crowned three teeth at the same time.  Needless to say, it wasn't worth it. 

My oldest, Tanner, had a few little "pits" in his baby teeth when he was a young boy.  He refused shots.  In fact, the assistant I had today was the one who set him into hysterics by insisting that he would be getting a shot or two and he would calm down.  Tanner wasn't buying what she was selling.  Not a chance.  After doing what I could to calm him down and keep him in the chair, Dr. Willis came in and smoothly spoke to him, relieved him and then set to work to fix all the "pits".  It took an hour.  Tanner trusted this silly dentist but never did like that blonde assistant.

One January night we were in Fall River watching Trevor play basketball.  He shot the ball and went up for the rebound.  A FR kid came down on his face with his elbow and totally avulsed his front tooth.  He turned toward me, sitting in the stands, smiled.  No tooth.  Gone.  I grabbed a towel, rushed out on the court.  He said "mom, I can't find my tooth".  "Spit into the towel".  Paydirt!  We hit it.  It was there.  Long story short, we made an emergency dental appointment with Dr. Willis' partner, Dr. Krant.  He put the milk soaked tooth back in its home, secured it and sent us home.  This is the same boy who flipped over the handle bars of his two wheel bike at the age of three and had to make an emergency dental visit to Dr. Willis and a subsequent surgery to remove a pound of gravel from his upper lip.

Sawyer's first dental visit was at the young age of five days.  Pretty much he grew up in this office, just like his brothers.  The older boys had cleanings right after he was born and heaven knows you don't cancel or change a dental appointment.  Every six months since their first cleaning, just like clock work. 

As I sit here this evening, knowing that when the numbness wears off, there will be dull ache at the point of entry of the shot.  Reflecting that when numbness resides after life batters ya, the dull ache sticks around.  But as many things in my life, I'm thankful for the years spent in the dentist chair or sitting next to a boy who needed mom support. 

When Friends Just Need a Hug

 

When the friend who is always more smiles than any other

emotion shows up at your desk with a sadness in her eyes. 

The encouragement from your heart becomes a gift. 

 

When you receive a random call from your sister at an odd time of the day. 

A return call to her brings laughter and more laughter. 

 

When the awesome husband, friend drags his feet as if to have no energy. 

You hope that your smile and a peck on the cheek can bring about the needed

burst of sunshine to lift the sorrow if only for a moment.

Opportunity.  Moments to encourage.  Listen to the soul sing.  A gift.  Giving gifts of the heart.  Sunshine.  You are my sunshine.  Taking one day at a time and one opportunity as it comes.  Capturing as much heart felt love for other people as is possible. 

Today a little girl came with her cousin and mom to enroll the 17 year old cousin in our program.  I immediately looked her in the eye and said "Hello"  "Who did your hair?  It looks very pretty."  her hair was tidily French braided as if someone took extra care to meet her needs.  "My cousin".  She boldly announced "I'm 3!"  We smiled at each other and she said "I Love You".  Touched my heart, fed my soul, put a smile on my face. 

Giving a gift of voice, smile or touch...daily opportunity.  I had an unspoken daily quest.  Six good touches for each child from this momma.  Didn't matter the age.  Size didn't matter.  Still the same loving touch.  A very minimum of six per day.  These days, I miss those touches but know that they will be with me and my children, always.  So important they are and will forever be. 

A Place

Ladies.  Momma must be proud of her ladies.  Here we are, hearts so full of love and gentleness.  When sorrow reaches the deepest part of your soul, there becomes a slowness, a patience, a love in full bloom.   A heart full of ache and yet overflowing with love that bubbles, pops and re-bubbles.

The day was hot.  We went to visit a place our dearly departed boy loved.  He had plans.  Plans to marry under the apple branches.  On the lush greenness of the areas within the ditch water running full speed.  The trees so representative of how deep he wanted his love for Christ to be.  Where the roots grow deep to support a large harvest of apples as they search for the water.  Strong like the trees as they withstand the heavy snow load in an season of abundant winter weather.  Strong to face the heavy winds as they sweep down the Kidder Creek valley.  Although it seems as though he missed the mark, there is a knowing of his wholeness and his painless existence in the presence of our Lord Almighty.

So we are left with memories and a hope for future eternity.  Hope.  Yes.  More a knowing that eternity will be a setting of lush hillsides, trees, year round creeks and our ability to enjoy it every moment.  Meanwhile, we desire to spend as much family time, together, as we can to drink in the fullness of our healing for our sorrow.  I love you, ladies.  Momma.  Sisters of my mine!

Right or Left?

Today my "fine figure of a man" had a Sunday off work.   It seems to be a rarity these days.  So we made the most of it.

Church in the morning.  Lunch with the Rockside guys.  Berry picking.  Blackberry picking.  We loaded up the Camry and headed down the Scott River to where the road forks.  Happy Camp or Klamath River.  We took a right to a familiar spot that we have picked many berries from with many fine people.  If you recognize any of the pictures, you are probably one of those fine people.  If you haven't ever been there, let's do it soon!

Blackberry bushes are not very forgiving.  If they grab onto you, they take hold.  You have to literally pry them off your skin.  Of course, one should always remember that long pants and tennis shoes are best in a berry patch. 

When a crew of people set forth to fill buckets, everyone scatters....looking for the best spot that can produce the most favorable results.  I always wonder what the ratio is that actually ends up in the bucket.  But mostly fresh berry pickers are eager to fulfill the quest and hunt for the sweet, tasty summertime goodness.

On the ride home, the conversation turned to relationships.  After mentioning that we are celebrating our 31st wedding anniversary in a few weeks, Brian thought we ought to divulge our best advise for a successful, long marriage.  Huh.  I think it went like this:

1.  Marriage is for life and there should never be another option.  (This was Grant's adage)
2.  Don't go to the bar without your spouse.  (This boundary was set early in our marriage)
3.  Showing Grace to your partner is very important.  (Both of us needed this one)
4.  In hind sight, God should always be the most important thing in your marriage.  (I say hind sight because we didn't always do this).

Mostly I'm pretty sure that there isn't a secret to a long marriage.  It's just a lot of work and both partners must be ready to gut it out together.  Other then that.  Maybe we just got lucky.  Ha ha.  That seems to be a funny word for me to write.  Lucky.  Blessed may be the better word.  Because we are definitely that. 

All in all.  It was a great day.  The berries are washed and waiting in the refrigerator to be created into something yummy.  Cobbler anyone?

Fair?

There are days when I wonder if life is fair. 

Does it really have to be this way?

Or should I say did it? 

This week is the local Fair.  Golden they call it.  Memories tell me yes.  Golden it is.  As a child, it meant going with my family.  A treat.  I have memories of rides, eating too much junk, throwing up.  I could always go on the larger, faster, scarier rides but don't ask me to ride the ferris wheel.  I have unpleasant memories of being stuck at the top of that wheel.  When you have a fear of heights, that's a problem.

As a teenager, the fair meant just about the same thing but enter boys and everything seems so much more fun.  Hand dipped corn dogs.  Just the "wander and visit" Siskiyou County mentality.  Anything else, I completely will deny.  LOL.

As a mom....the Fair was totally different.  As a mom of a boy with a livestock entry...it was the best the Fair can be.  Preparing, anticipating, hard work.  The boys had their livestock projects for months.  Those months were filled with reminding, reminding, reminding.  Yep.  Did you feed your pig/heifer?  Did you water your pig/heifer?  Did you walk your pig/heifer?  I can only hope that my boys will have children (girls would be nice!) who take animals to the Fair so they can remind, remind, remind as well. 

Living at the Fair was always an event.  I know we could all tell multiple "Fair" stories.  One of my favorite comes to mind.  It didn't even have anything to do with livestock.  We became a Fair family when Sawyer was in a stroller.  Those days were a little rough because the little guy was so warn out from all the Fair activities and late nights.  He liked to sleep in but I needed to be at the barn with the older boys.  Dad to the rescue.  Thanks Dad!

Anyway, my story goes like this:

 

Sawyer and I were in the bathroom at the south side of the Fair. 

The livestock entrance.  He was 3.  It was hot.  We were taking in plenty of fluids.  

 Sawyer went potty.  It was my turn.  I sat down to go and Sawyer said "Mom, I can show you how to do that standing up".  Yep. You probably could have.

 

The memories are still so fresh and real.  Boys, pigs, cows.  It didn't matter.  It was all fun and all about the kids.  Molding, shaping, reminding, interacting.  Memories of the good pigs, the problem pigs, the unbred heifer, the sweet ones.  Hot days, thunder showers that cool off the pavement, fair food. 

 

Do I think it is Fair?  Maybe not everything seems fair on this day but those Fair memories make me smile!

 

 

 



Some Times the Road Seems Long

I was just a young girl when my cousin thought I ought to drive the ranch pickup to the house.  Me?  No way.  He couldn't believe that a girl raised around cows, dirt and familiar with a sweaty brow was unable to drive the ranch pickup down a straight road.  He replied "Grandpa's gonna think it's weird that the pickup is at the end of the road".  Although I couldn't drive the ol' jalopy, I was spunky "yeah but he would think it was even stranger if the pickup was in the yard".  That brought a hardy laugh.

The front gate of Grandpa and Granny's yard is way older than I am.  The entrance is a generational gateway to many memories.  A few I remember so fondly -- the 4th of July celebrations we had in the front yard.  Granny would always spring for the fireworks and after dark we would all sit around on the grass to watch what was at that time a summer tradition.  Other memories include the jokes that our cousins would tell us.  None of which I can repeat. 

Today as I wandered around the recently mowed yard, I could almost hear the voices, the fireworks, visualize silhouettes of the young and old.  Summer air...warm and comfortable.  The familiar path through the grass, trodden down by the grandkids. 

Grandpa's gone.  Granny is 95.  A generation of hard working, cow herding, zucchini raising, "not gonna cry with you" people.  In their own way, they showed love to their family you cannot duplicate.